## THAT'S OKAY FOR SOME PEOPLE ##
## WHO DON'T OWN VCR's ##
## BUT, LYDIA ##
## YOU'VE WON OUR GRAND PRIZE ##
## JUST THINK OF IT ##
## ALL THE MOVIES YOU'LL WATCH FOR FREE NOW ##
## DRAMAS, WESTERNS, COMEDIES, WOW! ##
## VIDEO SPOT HAS THE BEST SELECTION ##
## IF YOU LIKE PORNO, WE'RE YOUR CONNECTION ##
## AND EVERYTHING'S COMING UP VIDEOS ##
## EVERYTHING'S COMING UP VIDEOS ##
## BUT THIS TIME FOR FREE ##
## FOR YOU, LYDIA ##
## FOR FREE. ##
(phone ringing)
OUR CARD.
(singer whistling "Everything's Coming Up Roses")
IT WILL BE LIKE YOU WORK HERE.
WHAT AM I QUALIFIED TO DO?
SORT.
UGH!
JACK.
HMM...
THIS WILL BE GOOD.
THIS WILL MAKE YOU SMELL LIKE A FOREST.
(bell jingling)
HELLO, MY NAME IS LYDIA SINCLAIR.
OH, HI.
HOW YOU DOING?
CONGRATULATIONS.
JACK LUCAS.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
THIS IS ANNE NAPOLITANO, THE VIDEO SPOT OWNER.
CONGRATULATIONS.
AND THIS IS OUR CO-WORKER...
PARRY, PARRY..?
PARRY PARRY?
NO, JUST PARRY.
OH, LIKE MOSES.
(laughing)
SO, HOW DO WE DO THIS?
FIRST WE'LL HAVE YOU SIGN OUT AN OFFICIAL MEMBERSHIP CARD.
SIGN THAT IF YOU WOULD.
WE'LL HAVE THAT LAMINATED FOR YOU RIGHT HERE.
PARRY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO LAMINATE
MISS SINCLAIR'S CARD?
OH, YEAH.
THIS LASTS FOR A YEAR.
AFTER WHICH, YOU HAVE THE OPTION TO RENEW
AT A MEMBERSHIP DISCOUNT.
YEAH, BUT NOT FOR FREE, RIGHT?
Jack: YOU GET TEN VIDEOS.
FREE?
FREE.
ONLY THE FIRST TEN.
AFTER THAT, THEY'RE 2.99 A RENTAL.
JACK?
ALL RIGHT, GO ON.
GO ON.
CAN I HELP YOU?
NO, I CAN LOOK MYSELF.
OKAY.
HELL MERCHANTS.
GOOD CHOICE.
I DON'T LIKE HORROR MOVIES.
HOW ABOUT, UH...
THE PURPLE BREAD?
IT'S A ZBIENIEW SPEIZAK FILM.
LET'S SEE...
IT'S SET AGAINST A SWEEPING BACKGROUND
OF A POLISH BAKERY.
POLISHBAKERY!
THAT'S WHY IT'S IN SUBTITLES.
I DON'T LIKE POLISH LOVE STORIES.
I LIKE MUSICALS.
MUSICALS...
OVER HERE.
NOW, HERE'S OUR ENTERTAINMENT CENTER.
OH, HERE'S FRED ASTAIRE.
THAT'S GOOD.
YEAH, JOLSON. "MAMMY."
GOT ANY ETHEL MERMAN?
ETHEL MERMAN.
OH... SHE'S...
WE'RE ALL OUT OF ETHEL MERMAN.
OH! WHAT A GYP.
THAT SUCKS.
I THINK I ACTUALLY ORDERED SOME
JUST THE OTHER DAY.
DID YOU OR DIDN'T YOU?
YEAH. THEY'LL BE IN SOON.
WELL...
I'LL COME BACK THEN.
UH... MISS SINCLAIR, YOUR CARD.
DON'T FORGET IT.
I LIKE YOUR NAILS.
WHERE DID YOU GET THEM DONE?
UH, ACTUALLY, I...
I DO THEM MYSELF.
I USED TO WORK IN A BEAUTY PARLOR.
I LIKE THE STARS.
Jack: YOU KNOW, UH...
ANNE DOES OTHER PEOPLE, AS A SIDELINE.
SHE COULD DO YOUR NAILS.
HOW MUCH?
WELL, YOU'RE A MEMBER...
FORTY DOLLARS.
OH!
FORTY DOLLARS?
FORTY...
UH...
OKAY.
WHEN WILL YOU DO THEM?
Anne: NEXT...
TONIGHT?
TONIGHT.
THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW, JACK
GETTING YOUR NAILS DONE IS ONE THING
BUT GOING OUT TO DINNER WITH A BUNCH OF STRANGERS...
AND THAT ONE...
WE'LL MAKE IT CASUAL.
SHE DIDN'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM.
IT WON'T BE A DATE.
YOU GOT ANY MORE STARCHY FOOD?
OH. CLUMSYMOI.
THANK YOU!
I'VE GONE OUT WITH SOME BUMS
BUT THEY WERE BEAUTIFUL.
THAT IS THE ONLY REASON TO GO OUT WITH A BUM.
THIS FOOD IS DELICIOUS, ANNE. REALLY.
YOU'RE A WONDERFUL COOK
AND YOU HAVE A GREAT SET OF... DISHES.
JACK, HE'S TRYING TO START A CONVERSATION.
TALK TO HIM.
HE'S NOT GOING TO BITE YOU.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
YOU KNOW, YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.
YOU'VE GOT YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
I AM SURPRISED SOME GUY
DOESN'T JUST SNATCH YOU UP FOR HIS OWN.
OH, YOU'RE SURPRISED?
GUESS I JUST NEVER MET THE RIGHT GUY.
YOU KNOW, I'M SHOCKED.
I MEAN, A CHILD-BEARING BODY LIKE YOURS...
I MEAN, A GUY WOULD HAVE TO BE OUT OF HIS MIND.
MOST GUYS ARE.
NO.
YOU, THIS INCREDIBLE WOMAN
GOING TO WASTE BEFORE MY VERY EYES?
NO, THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!
I WILL NOT HEAR THIS. NO!
JACK, COME HERE.
I AM YOUR MAN, THEN.
LET'S DO IT RIGHT HERE.
LET'S GO TO THAT PLACE OF SPLENDOR IN THE GRASS
BEHOLD MY MAGIC WAND, AND FREE YOUR GOLDEN ORBS.
JACK, GET OVER HERE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.
## HOLDING MY PENIS ##
## WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY ##
## OF SAYING HOW MUCH YOU LIKE... ##
PARRY, CLOSE YOUR PANTS.
TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH.
WHAT ARE YOU, ABOUT A 40 IN A JACKET?
THIS IS GOING TO WORK.
YOU LET ME KNOW
'CAUSE YOU'RE TOO GOOD A WOMAN TO GO TO WASTE.
(doorbell ringing)
(buzzing)
OH, WELCOME.
COME IN.
I'VE NEVER BEEN IN AN APARTMENT ABOVE A STORE BEFORE.
YOU ALWAYS WALK PAST THEM ON THE STREETS
BUT YOU NEVER REALLY THINK ANYONE REALLY LIVES IN THEM.
CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING?
A LITTLE COFFEE?
A LITTLE TEA?
A LITTLE TEQUILA?
NOPE.
WILL IT HURT?
THAT ALL DEPENDS ON YOU.
YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT A DRINK?
Jack: YES, YOU JUST ENJOY THIS.
THAT A BOY.
THIS IS MUD.
WE JUST WASHED THAT OFF.
THIS IS GOING TO MAKE YOU LOOK GREAT.
IT'S GOOD MUD.
SHH...
CLOSE...
MM-HMM.
LIPS.
CLOSE.
JACK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
THERE WE GO.
NOW, YOU JUST RELAX.
SO, ANYBODY SPECIAL IN YOUR LIFE?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE
THERE'S ANYBODY SPECIAL IN MY LIFE?
YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY IT LIKE THAT.
IT'S NOT SO, YOU KNOW, CRAZY AN IDEA.
YOU'RE A HEALTHY WOMAN, YOU HAVE A STEADY JOB
YOU'RE NOT CROSS-EYED OR ANYTHING.
NO, NOBODY SPECIAL.
OKAY. FINE.
I MEAN, IT'S NOT EASY IN THIS DAY AND AGE.
WHAT'S NOT EASY?
MEETING PEOPLE.
OH, GOD, TELL ME ABOUT IT.
I'VE BEEN DATING LONGER THAN I'VE BEEN DRIVING.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT.
I... I HAVE NEVER BEEN THROUGH A DATING PERIOD.
IT'S A DISGUSTING PROCESS.
YOU HAVEN'T MISSED A THING.
Jack: HOLD STILL.
I'M SO EXCITED.
DID YOU FEEL LIKE THIS WHEN YOU FIRST MET ANNE?
BECAUSE SHE'S A WONDERFUL WOMAN.
SHE LOVES YOU TOO MUCH, JACK.
BUT YOU LOVE HER TOO.
YOU KNOW YOU DO. IT'S JUST THAT...
YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT OF AN ASSHOLE SOMETIMES.
SORRY.
THANKS.
MY MOTHER CALLS ONCE A WEEK LIKE AN ONGOING NIGHTMARE.
"HAVE YOU MET ANYONE?"
"NO, MOM."
"WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?"
"I DON'T KNOW, MOM."
THANKGODI MOVED OUT.
I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU LIVED WITH HER
AS LONG AS YOU DID.
IF I HAD TO LIVE WITH MY MOTHER
I WOULD STAB MYSELF SIX TIMES.
I THINK SOME PEOPLE ARE MEANT TO BE ALONE.
THIS IS MY IDEA--
THAT I WAS BORN A MAN IN A FORMER LIFE
AND I USED WOMEN FOR PLEASURE
SO NOW...
I'M PAYING FOR IT.
I WOULDN'T MIND SO MUCH IF I COULD JUST REMEMBER
THE PLEASURE PARTS.
I THINK YOU'RE GETTING A LITTLE TOO COMPLICATED.
WHAT, IN YOUR OPINION, IS THE ACTUAL PROBLEM?
I DON'T MAKE AN IMPRESSION ON PEOPLE.
AT OFFICE PARTIES, I REARRANGE THE HORS D'OEUVRES
WHILE PEOPLE ARE EATING THEM
SO THAT THE PLATTERS WILL REMAIN FULL.
I NEVER START ANY OF THE CONVERSATIONS
BECAUSE I JUST DON'T KNOW...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO MAKE IT END, TO GO.
LISTEN, YOU GOT TO BE
A LITTLE EASIER ON YOURSELF, DOLL.
A CONVERSATION HAS A LIFE OF ITS OWN.
YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOME FAITH IN THAT FACT.
I MEAN, LOOK AT US.
WE'RE HAVING...
A VERY LOVELY...
CONVERSATION.
I'M PAYING YOU.
LOOK, WILL YOU STOP IT? I'M NOT LIKE THAT.
IF I TALK TO YOU
IT'S BECAUSE I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE NOT A SUPER MODEL.
IT WOULD BE BORING IF WE WERE ALL JERRY HALL.
YOU DO THE BEST YOU CAN WITH WHAT YOU GOT.
YOU'RE NOT SO INVISIBLE.
HEY, YOU WANT A PERSONALITY?
TRY THIS ON FOR SIZE.
YOU CAN BE A REAL BITCH.
REALLY?
YEAH.
REALLY?
UH-HUH.
(giggling)
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU MY WALLET
SO YOU CAN PAY FOR DINNER.
YOU'RE A NICE MAN, JACK
DOING ALL THIS FOR ME.
HUH?
I'M SCARED.
NO, NO, NO.
I MEAN, I FEEL SO MUCH FOR HER.
I FEEL LIKE SOMETHING AWFUL'S GOING TO HAPPEN.
NOTHING AWFUL IS GOING TO HAPPEN.
ANNE WILL BE THERE.
I WILL BE THERE.
NOTHING AWFUL'S GOING TO HAPPEN, OKAY?
I'M STILL SCARED.
I KNOW.
IT'S GOING TO BE FINE.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD.
JUST REMEMBER TO BREATHE.
OKAY, I GOT TO BREATHE.
BIG BREATH.
(laughing hysterically)
ANNE?
ANNE. ANNE!
OH...
STAY, STAY, STAY.
LOOK, PARRY, IT'S LYDIA SINCLAIR
OUR MEMBERSHIP WINNER.
I KNOW.
WHAT HAVE YOU FELLOWS BEEN UP TO?
WE THOUGHT WE'D GET SOME DINNER.
OH.
JACK...
OW! JACK...
SAY, ANYBODY UP FOR CHINESE?
OOH!
Jack: CARE TO JOIN US?
UH, NO, THANK YOU.
WATCH YOUR NAILS.
I'D RATHER GO HOME.
ME TOO.
PARRY, COME ON.
YOU HAVE TO EAT.
I'D LIKE TO GO NOW.
DON'T BLOW THIS. HEY.
I'D RATHER GO HOME.
IT'S ONLY DINNER.
COME ON.
YOU'RE GOING TO DO THIS.
YOU'LL HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOUR MOTHER.
I DON'T GIVE...
YOU ARE COMING.
All: FINE.
Parry: WHAT DO YOU DO?
Lydia: I GET TO READ THE BOOKS SOMETIMES
BUT MOSTLY, I CALCULATE PRODUCTION COSTS...
PARRY.
(glass clinking)
FROM...
CALCULATION COSTS FROM...
FIRST EDITION HARDCOVER TO-- SORRY-- SOFTCOVER.
AND AFTER SOFTCOVER
IT'S BASICALLY SOMEBODY ELSE'S PROBLEM.
THAT SOUNDS REAL EXCITING.
IT'S NOT EXCITING AT ALL.
WHY NOT?
I MEAN...
YOUR CALCULATIONS DETERMINE
WHETHER A BOOK IS PUBLISHED OR NOT.
MAYBE IT'S A BOOK
THAT CHANGES THE WAY PEOPLE THINK OR... ACT.
YEAH, BUT WHAT WE PUBLISH
IS MOSTLY TRASHY ROMANCE NOVELS.
DON'T SAY THAT.
THERE'S NOTHING TRASHY ABOUT ROMANCE.
IN ROMANCE, THERE'S PASSION
THERE'S IMAGINATION
THERE'S BEAUTY.
BESIDES, YOU...
YOU FIND SOME WONDERFUL THINGS IN THE TRASH.
OOH, DUMPLINGS.
I COULD EAT ALL OF THESE.
LIKE A DUMPLING?
SOME TEA?
YES, PLEASE.
THERE YOU GO.
(scraping)
PARRY...
OH.
OOH.
OOH, BOY.
SORRY.
HEY.
OH! OH!
(glass shattering)
SORRY.
(sniffling)
(coughing)
IT'S HOT.
WHEW!
(scraping)
HELP HER WITH THAT.
(slurping)
(humming)
(burping)
EXCUSE ME.
(burping)
EXCUSE ME.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
IT'S GOOD STUFF, HUH?
I THINK THAT THEY WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER.
SCARY, BUT TRUE.
YOU GOT IT?
I GOT IT. YOU GOT IT.
THERE IT IS, OKAY.
(laughing)
YAY!
(snorting)
## OH, LYDIA, OH, LYDIA ##
## SAY, HAVE YOU MET LYDIA? ##
## LYDIA, THE TATTOOED LADY ##
## SHE HAS EYES THAT MEN ADORE SO ##
## AND A TORSO EVEN MORE SO ##
## OH, LYDIA, OH, LYDIA ##
## SAY, HAVE YOU MET LYDIA? ##
## LYDIA, THE QUEEN OF TATTOOS ##
## ON HER BACK IS THE BATTLE OF WATERLOO ##
## THE SIGHT AT THE WRECK OF THEHESPERUSTOO ##
? ## AND PROUDLY ABOVE WAVES THE RED, WHITE, AND BLUE ?
## YOU CAN LEARN A LOT FROM LYDIA ##
## LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA ##
## WHEN HER ROBE IS UNFURLED, SHE WILL SHOW YOU THE WORLD ##
## IF YOU STEP UP AND TELL HER WHERE ##
## FOR A DIME, YOU CAN SEE KANKAKEE OR PARIS ##
## OR WASHINGTON CROSSING THE DELAWARE ##
## LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA ##
## OH, LYDIA, OH, LYDIA ##
## ## SAY, HAVE YOU MET LYDIA?
## ## LYDIA, THE TATTOOED LADY
## WHEN HER MUSCLES START RELAXING ##
## UP THE HILL COMES MICHAEL JACKSON... ##
(laughing)
Anne: NO, COME ON, COME ON.
DID YOU SEE HER WITH THE NOODLES?
SHE HAD A NOODLE HANGING DOWN HER HEAD.
I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
COME ON.
AND THEN THEY STARTED IN ON THE DUMPLINGS.
THEY WERE PLAYING HOCKEY WITH THE DUMPLING ON THE TABLE.
IT WAS BROCCOLI.
NO, IT WAS A DUMPLING.
THEY WERE BATTING IT AROUND WITH A CHOPSTICK.
STOP OR I'LL LOSE IT RIGHT HERE.
YO, LYDIA!
WATCH OUT!
HEY!
TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOURSELF.
I'D LIKE TO KNOW EVERYTHING.
THERE'S NOTHING MORE TO TELL.
OH, DON'T SAY THAT.
NO, THAT'S IT.
Parry: IT'S ENOUGH FOR ME.
I REALLY THINK SHE WENT FOR HIM.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID IT.
AMOR VINCIT OMNIA.
WHAT?
IT'S LATIN.
IT MEANS "LOVE CONQUERS ALL."
I DON'T MEAN US.
I MEAN EVERYBODY ELSE.
GOD, YOU THINK IT WILL WORK OUT?
WHO KNOWS?
TWO PEOPLE COULD BE AT A PARTY TOGETHER
SITTING RIGHT ACROSS FROM EACH OTHER
AND NEVER FIND EACH OTHER.
ANOTHER TWO PEOPLE COULD BE ON OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE WORLD
AND NOTHING COULD KEEP THEM APART.
THE THING IS IF A THING IS MEANT TO HAPPEN...
WHAT?
NOTHING.
GO ON.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU MUST BE VERY PROUD OF YOURSELF.
YOU DID A GREAT THING FOR SOMEBODY TONIGHT.
I WAS VERY PROUD
TO BE WITH YOU TONIGHT.
YOU WERE GREAT.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
STEAMED DUMPLINGS.
MU SHU PORK!
HO!
(Anne laughing)
YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY THAT.
I NEVER SAY ANYTHING I HAVE TO.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY NICE THINGS TO ME.
IT'S A LITTLE OLD-FASHIONED
CONSIDERING WHAT WE'RE ABOUT TO DO.
WHAT ARE WE ABOUT TO DO?
YOU'RE WALKING ME HOME.
I THINK YOU'RE A LITTLE ATTRACTED TO ME.
YEAH.
AND...
YOU'LL PROBABLY WANT TO COME UPSTAIRS
FOR SOME COFFEE.
I DON'T DRINK COFFEE.
AND WE'LL PROBABLY HAVE A DRINK AND TALK
AND GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER A LITTLE BIT BETTER.
AND THEN YOU'LL...
YOU'LL SLEEP OVER.
AND IN THE MORNING, YOU'LL AWAKE
AND YOU'LL BE DISTANT
AND YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO STAY FOR BREAKFAST.
MAYBE JUST A CUP OF COFFEE.
I DON'T DRINK COFFEE.
AND THEN WE'LL EXCHANGE PHONE NUMBERS
AND YOU'LL LEAVE...
AND NEVER CALL.
AND I'LL GO TO WORK, AND I'LL FEEL SO GOOD
FOR THE FIRST HOUR
AND THEN EVER SO SLOWLY, I'LL TURN INTO A PIECE OF DIRT.
I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M PUTTING MYSELF THROUGH THIS.
IT WAS REALLY NICE TO MEET YOU.
NIGHT.
EXCUSE ME!
WAIT!
JUST... HEY!
SORRY.
WAIT ONE MINUTE.
EXCUSE ME. PLEASE WAIT.
I'M NOT FEELING VERY WELL.
NO WONDER.
WE JUST MET, MADE LOVE, AND BROKE UP
ALL IN THE SPACE OF 30 SECONDS.
AND I DON'T REMEMBER THE FIRST KISS
WHICH I THINK IS THE BEST PART.
IT WAS SO SPECIAL TO MEET YOU...
I THINK IT'S TIME YOU SHUT UP NOW.
SHUT UP... PLEASE?
OH.
I'M NOT COMING UP TO YOUR APARTMENT.
THAT WAS NEVER MY INTENTION.
OH, GOD, YOU DON'T WANT TO.
OH, NO, I WANT TO.
I HAVE A HARD-ON FOR YOU THE SIZE OF FLORIDA.
BUT I DON'T WANT JUST ONE NIGHT.
I HAVE A CONFESSION I HAVE TO MAKE TO YOU.
YOU'RE MARRIED?
NO.
YOU'RE DIVORCED?
NO.
YOU HAVE A DISEASE?
NO. PLEASE, STOP.
I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU.
AND NOT JUST FROM TONIGHT.
I'VE KNOWN YOU FOR A LONG TIME.
I KNOW YOU COME FROM WORK AT NOON EVERY DAY
FIGHT YOUR WAY OUT THAT DOOR, GET PUSHED BACK IN
AND THREE SECONDS LATER, COME BACK OUT AGAIN.
I KNOW IF IT'S A GOOD DAY IF YOU GET THAT ROMANCE NOVEL.
I KNOW WHAT YOU ORDER
AND I KNOW ON WEDNESDAYS, YOU GO TO THAT DIM SUM PARLOR
AND I KNOW THAT YOU GET A JAWBREAKER
BEFORE YOU GO BACK IN TO WORK.
I KNOW YOU HATE YOUR JOB AND DON'T HAVE MANY FRIENDS.
I KNOW SOMETIMES YOU FEEL A LITTLE UNCOORDINATED.
YOU DON'T FEEL AS WONDERFUL AS EVERYBODY ELSE.
FEELING AS ALONE AND SEPARATE AS YOU FEEL YOU ARE...
AND... I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU.
YES.
AND I THINK YOU'RE THE GREATEST THING
SINCE SPICE RACKS.
I'D BE KNOCKED OUT IF I COULD HAVE THAT FIRST KISS.
I WON'T BE DISTANT.
I'LL COME BACK IN THE MORNING, AND I'LL CALL YOU IF YOU LET ME.
BUT I STILL DON'T DRINK COFFEE.
SHH.
YOU'RE REAL...
AREN'T YOU?
GOOD-BYE.
IT'S THE WRONG DOOR.
YOU CAN CALL ME.
SHE DIDN'T GIVE ME THE NUMBER.
(screaming)
NO!
PLEASE LET ME HAVE THIS.
LET ME HAVE THIS.
LET ME HAVE IT!
NO!
(screaming)
(yelling)
NO!
WHERE ARE YOU?!
WHERE... ARE... YOU!
(sobbing)
(tires squealing)
WE'RE TIRED OF LOOKING AT YOU PEOPLE.
THANK YOU.
YEAH, WELL, I'M FEELING GOOD.
I DON'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO PUT IT, LOU.
YEAH, WELL, I HAD THOSE PERSONAL PROBLEMS TO WORK OUT
AND I HAVE
AND NOW I WANT TO GET BACK TO WORK.
YOU THINK THAT'S POSSIBLE?
YEAH, I UNDERSTAND.
I AM.
YEAH.
I WON'T.
I WILL.
GREAT. WHEN?
TUESDAY IS FINE.
TUESDAY'S GREAT, LOU.
ALL RIGHT. I'LL SEE YOU THEN.
THANKS A LOT.
OKAY, BYE.
WHO'S LOU?
LOU IS MY AGENT.
YOU'RE KIDDING.
I CALLED MY AGENT.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
HE SAYS IF I WANT TO GET BACK TO WORK, NO PROBLEM.
THAT I JUST COME IN AND WE TALK AND THAT'S IT.
OOH, BABY!
THAT'S TERRIFIC!
I GOT TO GET THESE TAPES ORGANIZED.
YOU SEEN MY JACKET?
IT'S IN THE BATHROOM.
I GOT COFFEE HERE IF YOU WANT IT.
YOU MADE COFFEE?
YOU ARE GOING BACK TO WORK, ANDYOU MADE COFFEE?
I'M LOVING THIS.
OOH, YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE NEAT?
NOW THAT THERE'S GOING TO BE ANOTHER INCOME COMING IN
I WOULD LOVE TO LOOK FOR A BIGGER PLACE.
I DON'T WANT TO RUSH ANYTHING
BUT I'D LIKE TO START LOOKING ANYWAY.
MAYBE A TWO-BEDROOM?
OR MAYBE EVEN THE TOP FLOOR OF A HOUSE?
SAY, IN BROOKLYN... HEIGHTS?
WHAT?
YOU DON'T WANT TO COMMUTE, RIGHT?
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
COME HERE.
YOU ARE AN INCREDIBLE WOMAN.
I'M AN INCREDIBLE WOMAN?
YEAH.
WHAT'S THIS, A DEATH SENTENCE?
NO, NO. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS.
SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED
THAT I THINK IT WOULD BE A GOOD THING FOR BOTH OF US
IF WE...
SLOWED DOWN A LITTLE.
SLOWED DOWN?
WHERE HAVE I BEEN?
HAVE WE BEEN GOING FAST HERE?
THIS HAS BEEN AREALDIFFICULT TIME FOR ME
THIS PAST YEAR OR SO.
YEAH?
I FEEL LIKE I'M ABOVE WATER FOR THE FIRST TIME.
I KNOW A LOT MORE NOW
AND I DON'T WANT TO MAKE ANY MORE MISTAKES.
SO?
I NEED TIME TO... MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES.
WAIT, WAIT.
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
I THINK MAYBE I SHOULD BE ALONE FOR A WHILE.
NOW THAT I KNOW MORE, YOU KNOW, I FEEL THAT...
I SHOULD FOCUS ON MY CAREER NOW THAT I CAN...
NOW THAT EVERYTHING'S TAKEN CARE OF.
YOU KNOW, PARRY'S, UH...
LET ME JUST SAY ONE THING, OKAY?
YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT, OKAY?
SECONDLY, AS FAR AS WE GO
WHAT HAVE WE BEEN DOING HERE EXCEPT TIME?
HAVE I EVER PRESSURED YOU, ONCE EVER?
NO.
SO WHAT TIME DO YOU NEED, BABY?
I LOVE YOU.
YOU LOVE ME.
YOU WANT TO GET YOUR CAREER GOING?
THAT'S THE GREATEST THING IN THE WORLD.
I WANT TO BE THERE WHEN IT HAPPENS.
SO WHAT DO YOU NEED TIME TO FIGURE OUT, HUH?
ALL RIGHT, LET ME JUST ASK YOU ONE THING.
DO YOU LOVE ME?
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU CAN'T EVEN GIVE ME THAT, CAN YOU?
JESUS, JACK!
WHAT WERE YOU PLANNING ON DOING HERE?
JUST PACKING UP YOUR THINGS AND DROPPING ME A NOTE
WHEN YOU MEET SOMEBODY NEW?
I JUST SAID I NEED TIME.
BULLSHIT!
IF YOU'RE GOING TO HURT ME, HURT ME NOW--
NOT SOME DRAWN-OUT HURT THAT TAKES MONTHS OF MY LIFE
BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE THE BALLS!
OKAY. I'LL PACK MY STUFF TONIGHT.
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING HERE?
COULD YOU JUST TELL ME THAT?
WE BOTH GOT SOMETHING OUT OF THIS.
WHAT DID I GET?
WHAT DID I GET
THAT I COULDN'T GET
FROM ANYBODY WITH NO NAME ANY NIGHT OF THE WEEK?
DO YOU THINK YOUR COMPANY IS SUCH A TREAT?
YOUR MOODS, YOUR PAIN, YOUR PROBLEMS...
DO YOU THINK THIS HAS BEEN ENTERTAINING?
THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT TO STAY WITH ME FOR?
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.
YOU STUPID FUCKING...
HEY.
ANNE.
SHH...
ANNE.
(sobbing)
NO. STOP IT.
STOP. STOP.
DON'T. NO.
YOU DON'T GET TO BE NICE!
I'M NOT GOING TO PLAY SOME STUPID GAME
WHERE WE ACT LIKE FRIENDS
SO YOU CAN WALK OUT
FEELING GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF.
I'M NOT A MODERN WOMAN.
IF THIS IS OVER, LET'S J...
LET'S JUST CALL IT OVER.
(telephone ringing)
YEAH.
MY WALLET?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
PARRY.
PARRY?
HE CAN'T HEAR YOU.
I'M DR. MANDEVILLE.
I WAS ON DUTY WHEN THEY BROUGHT HIM IN.
I'VE BEEN GOING OVER HIS RECORD.
HE WAS BROUGHT IN ONCE BEFORE, I UNDERSTAND.
CATATONIC STUPOR.
CONDITION RENDERED HIM NON-VERBAL.
YEAH, SO THE GUY...
HE'S BEEN BEAT UP.
HE'S GOT A CONCUSSION, RIGHT?
RIGHT? HE'S GOING TO SNAP OUT OF IT.
I'M AFRAID NOT.
SEE, THE BEATING'S BAD, BUT IT'S NOT THE PROBLEM.
HE'S RE-EXPERIENCING THE CATATONIA.
HE COULD SNAP OUT OF IT IN AN HOUR
OR 13 MONTHS, 13 YEARS.
THERE'S NO WAY TO BE SURE.
A PERSON COULD ACTUALLY RE-EXPERIENCE
THE FULL EFFECT OF A TRAGEDY
LONG AFTER THE EVENT TOOK PLACE.
I WAS READING HOW HE LOST HIS WIFE.
ARE YOU RELATIVES?
WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER.
WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM.
HE'LL HAVE TO BE SENT BACK TO THE SAME INSTITUTION.
WHAT IF I WAS A RELATIVE?
YOU'D HAVE THE OPTION TO CARE FOR HIM AT HOME
BUT I WOULDN'T RECOMMEND IT.
IT WOULDN'T BE GOOD FOR HIM.
HE NEEDS HOSPITAL CARE.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU COULD SIGN THE RELEASE FORMS
BUT THE CITY
CAN DO THAT.
I'M SORRY.
(door closing)
POOR LYDIA.
SHE FINALLY FINDS HER PRINCE AND HE FALLS INTO A COMA.
SOME WOMEN JUST HAVE NO LUCK, HUH?
ANNE.
I'LL CALL YOU, OKAY?
THE ANSWER: TWO DWARVES AND A MELON.
WELL, I'M OUT OF HERE.
HAVE A PERFECT WEEKEND, AND REMEMBER
ON MONDAY OUR SPECIAL STUDIO GUEST IS BEN STARR
STAR OF THE RECENTLY DEFUNCT HIT TV SHOWON THE RADIO.
SO, FROM ONE OF THE BOTCHED TO YOU BUNGLED CATS OUT THERE
I LOVE YOU, AND RIGHT BACK AT YOU.
## Hit the road, Jack, and don't you come back ##
## no more, no more, no more , no more ##
(phone ringing)
YEAH.
YEAH, LOU. LOOK.
I SAID I WANT AN OFFER OR THEY CAN FORGET IT.
UH-HUH. YOU TELL THEM
I'M TALKING TO THE CABLE PEOPLE ABOUT A TALK SHOW.
WHAT?
BETH'S FATHER SET IT UP.
NO, HEOWNSIT.
## I'VE GOT THE POWER ##
BUT I'M NOT BOTHERING ANYBODY.
COME ON, YOU'VE GOT TO MOVE IT.
JACK!
JACK, IT'S ME!
STOP IT. I KNOW THAT GUY.
JACK!
DO YOU REMEMBER ME?
"VENICE."
YOUKNOWME.
JACK, PLEASE.
CAN I TALK TO YOU?
I NEED TO TALK--
WE SPENT TIME TOGETHER! JACK, PLEASE!
DO YOU KNOW THIS GUY?
WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO ME?
LEAVE ME ALONE.
JACK!
## I'VE GOT THE POWER ##
IT'S A WEEKLY COMEDY ABOUT THE HOMELESS
BUT IT'S NOT DEPRESSING IN ANY WAY.
WE WANT TO FIND A FUNNY, UPBEAT WAY
OF BRINGING THE ISSUE OF HOMELESSNESS TO TELEVISION.
SO, WE'VE GOT THREE WACKY HOMELESS CHARACTERS
BUT THEY'RE WISE.
THEY'RE WACKY AND THEY'RE WISE
AND THE HOOK IS THEY LOVE BEING HOMELESS.
THEY LOVE THE FREEDOM, THE ADVENTURE.
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE JOY OF LIVING
NOT THE MONEY AND THE POLITICS THAT WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH.
AND THE BEST PART IS IT'S CALLEDHOME FREE.
Lou: I'M GETTING A RUSH.
OH, REALLY.
WHAT IS THIS, ANOTHER DISAPPEARING ACT?
NO, IT'S NOT A PROBLEM.
IT'S A BATHROOM BREAK.
HE TOOK A BATHROOM BREAK.
I'LL CHECK.
SHIT!
PARRY...
Parry: DAMN.
Jack: WHAT?
IT'S A GRAIL.
THE HOLY GRAIL.
THE HOLY..?
SOME BILLIONAIRE HAS GOT THE HOLY GRAIL
IN HIS LIBRARY ON FIFTH AVENUE?
WHO WOULD THINK YOU'D FIND
ANYTHING DIVINE
ON THE UPPER EAST SIDE?
(laughing)
THEY SAID YOU'RE THE ONE.
HENRY SAGAN?
...NUH, NUH, NUH, NUH, NUH, NUH...
Lydia: OH, PARDON ME.
NOT LONG AGO
I LEFT SOME NEW SHEETS FOR PARRY.
THEY WERE LIME-COLORED, WITH WATERMELONS.
I'M SORRY. THEY'RE BEING CLEANED.
THE DOCTOR HAD AN ACCIDENT WITH THE HYPO.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
JUST MAKE SURE HE DOES GET THEM
WHEN THEY ARE CLEANED.
THANK YOU.
...NUH, NUH, NUH, NUH, NUH, NUH
NUH, NUH, NUH, NUH, NUH, NUH, NUH, NUH, NO, NO...
HI.
IT'S JACK.
HOW YOU DOING?
YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD.
YES, YOU DO.
HEY.
YOU GOING TO WAKE UP FOR ME, HMM?
THIS ISN'T OVER, IS IT?
YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME DO THIS
DON'T YOU?
FORGET IT.
NO FUCKIN' WAY!
I DON'T FEEL RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU OR ANYBODY.
EVERYBODY'S GOT BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO THEM.
I'M NOTGOD.
I DON'T DECIDE...
PEOPLE SURVIVE.
SAY SOMETHING!
EVERYTHING'S BEEN GOING GREAT.
GREAT.
I'M GOING TO HAVE MY OWN CABLE TALK SHOW...
MM-HMM.
...WITH AN INCREDIBLE EQUITY, I MIGHT ADD.
I'VE GOT AN INCREDIBLE...
INCREDIBLY GORGEOUS GIRLFRIEND.
I'M LIVING AN INCREDIBLE LIFE
SO DON'T LAY THERE IN YOUR COMFORTABLE LITTLE COMA
AND THINK I'M GOING TO RISK ALL THAT
BECAUSE I FEEL RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU.
I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE!
I DON'T FEEL GUILTY.
YOU'VE GOT IT EASY.
I'M OUT THERE EVERY DAY
EVERY FUCKING DAY, TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HELL I'M DOING--
WHY NO MATTER WHAT I HAVE
IT FEELS LIKE I HAVE NOTHING
SO I DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.
IT'S EASY BEING NUTS.
TRY BEING ME.
SO I WON'T DO IT. I DON'T BELIEVE IN THIS SHIT.
DON'T GIVE ME THAT STUFF ABOUT ME BEING THE ONE.
THERE'S NOTHING...
NOTHING SPECIAL ABOUT ME.
I CONTROL MY OWN DESTINY, NOT SOME...
FLOATING OVERWEIGHT FAIRIES.
I DECIDE WHAT I'M GOING TO DO
AND I'M NOT GOING TO RISK MY LIFE TO GET SOME FUCKING CUP
FOR SOME FUCKING VEGETABLE!
MOTHERFUCKER! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
(sobbing)
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
CUP.
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
FOR THE SAKE OF ARGUMENT, LET'S SAY I DO DO THIS.
OKAY? IF I DO THIS...
I WANT YOU TO KNOW IT WOULDN'T BE
BECAUSE I FELT I HAD TO
OR BECAUSE I FELT CURSED OR GUILTY OR RESPONSIBLE.
IF I DO THIS...
(sobbing)
IF I DO THIS...
AND I MEANIF...
IT'S BECAUSE I WANT TO DO THIS FOR YOU.
THAT'S ALL.
FOR YOU.
DON'T GO ANYWHERE.
SHIT!
(grunting)
(clattering)
(neighing)
GREAT.
I'M HEARING HORSES NOW.
PARRY WILL BE SO PLEASED.
RADIO PERSONALITY TURNS SCREWBALL
ON MISSION FROM GOD.
I JUST HOPE WHEN THEY PUT ME AWAY
THEY FIND ME A PLACE RIGHT NEXT TO HIS.
OKAY.
FUCK!
(Screaming)
THANK GOD NOBODY LOOKS UP IN THIS TOWN.
(police siren wailing)
(ragged breathing)
SHIT!
(panting)
(footsteps nearing)
"TO LANNIE CARMICHAEL.
CHRISTMAS, 1932."
(clinking)
OH.
SHIT.
HEY!
(groaning)
HEY, COME ON. WAKE UP!
CHRIST!
(alarm ringing)
(alarm continues ringing)
ALL RIGHT. I DID MY SIDE OF THE BARGAIN.
HERE'S YOUR CUP.
YOU GOING TO WAKE UP NOW?
YOU WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT A LITTLE MORE.
OKAY.
TAKE YOUR TIME.
I HAD THIS DREAM, JACK.
I WAS MARRIED.
I WAS MARRIED TO THIS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN...
AND YOU WERE THERE TOO.
I REALLY MISS HER, JACK.
IS THAT OKAY?
CAN I MISS HER NOW?
THANK YOU.
Parry: TEMPO, OKAY? ALLEGRO.
HERE WE GO.
Patients: ##I LIKE NEW YORK IN JUNE##
##HOW ABOUT YOU##?
##I LIKE A GERSHWIN TUNE##
##HOW ABOUT YOU##?
##I LIKE A FIRESIDE##
##WHEN A STORM IS DUE##
##I LIKE POTATO CHIPS AND MOONLIGHT AND MOTOR TRIPS##
##HOW ABOUT YOU##?
##I'M MAD ABOUT GOOD BOOKS...##
HI, SWEETHEART!
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
HEY, WHAT'S THIS FACE ALL ABOUT?
WHY ARE YOU CRYING?
ARE YOU MY GIRL?
HUH?
ARE YOU MY GIRL?
YES.
OH!
HEY.
OH!
BABY.
(whispering:) TEMPO.
##HOLDING HANDS IN A MOVIE SHOW##
##WHEN ALL THE LIGHTS ARE LOW## MAY NOT BE NEW##
##I LIKE...##
##HOW ABOUT YOU##?
WELL?
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO?
APPLAUD?
WHAT? WHAT?
WHAT DID YOU COME HERE FOR?
TO GET THE REST OF YOUR STUFF?
THERE'S NO MORE STUFF, JACK.
IT ALL GOT BURNED-- ACCIDENTALLY.
JACK, DON'T DO THIS.
WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS, DON'T DO IT, OKAY?
YOU DON'T JUST SHOW UP HERE
AND STAND THERE LIKE A STATUE
AND MAKE ME DO ALL THE WORK.
WHAT DID YOU COME HERE FOR?
I, UH...
LOVE YOU.
WHAT?
I DIDN'T GET THAT.
WOULD YOU RUN IT BY ME AGAIN?
UH, I THINK, UM...
I REALIZE...
I LOVE YOU.
YOU LOVE ME, HUH?
(laughing)
YOU SON OF A BITCH!
Parry: GOD, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT, HUH?
HEY, LOOK!
WHAT?
THEY'RE MOVING.
AM I DOING THAT?
ARE YOU CRAZY?
IT'S THE WIND.
## I LIKE NEW YORK IN JUNE ##
## HOW ABOUT YOU? ##
##I LIKE A GERSHWIN TUNE##
##HOW ABOUT YOU##?
(laughing)
Jack: GOOD NIGHT.
(both imitating wolf howling)
Parry: GOOD NIGHT, MANHATTAN!
SAY GOOD NIGHT, JACK.
Jack: GOOD NIGHT, JACK.
(both laughing)
? ## I LIKE NEW YORK IN JUNE ?
## HOW ABOUT YOU? ##
## I LIKE A GERSHWIN TUNE ##
## HOW ABOUT YOU? ##
## I LOVE A FIRESIDE ##
## WHEN A STORM IS DUE ##
? ## I LIKE POTATO CHIPS, MOONLIGHT, AND MOTOR TRIPS ?
## HOW ABOUT YOU? ##
## ## I'M MAD ABOUT GOOD BOOKS
## CAN'T GET MY FILL ##
## AND FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT'S LOOKS ##
## GIVE ME A THRILL ##
## HOLDING HANDS IN A MOVIE SHOW ##
? ## WHEN ALL THE LIGHTS ARE LOW ?
## MAY NOT BE NEW ##
## BUT I LIKE IT ##
## HOW ABOUT YOU ##
## I'M MAD ABOUT GOOD BOOKS ##
## CAN'T GET MY FILL ##
## AND FRANKLYN ROOSEVELT'S LOOKS ##
## GIVE ME A THRILL ##
## HOLDIN' HANDS IN A MOVIE SHOW ##
? ## WHEN ALL THE LIGHTS ARE LOW ?
## MAY NOT BE NEW ##
## BUT I LIKE IT ##
## HOW ABOUT ##
## I LIKE IT ##
## HOW ABOUT ##
## I LIKE IT ##
## HOW ABOUT ##
## YOU? ####